Do you, take thee Thor?

I would like to marry…Thor.

Okay, this whole post started out as a joke last night and pretty much ended in my husband rolling his eyes and sarcastically saying “I DO NOT want to play your girl games anymore.” Well, I never. Actually, yes I have. But it was his idea to watch “Thor” and I was in a contemplative mood, so there you have it.

Last night while we were watching the opening scene of “Thor,” I asked my husband “which of the Avengers do you think a woman would most likely choose to marry?” Without hesitation he replied “Iron Man…because he’s rich.” And you know what? He’s right – sort of. I’ve always been an Iron Man kinda girl myself. I found his cockiness confidence, his intelligence, yes – his wealth, and his relational aloofness quite appealing. He’s the guy you can never have. He’s the rock star. He has Daddy issues. He has a cool car. But he is most certainly NOT marriage material. Way too unpredictable, a hermit of sorts and completely irresponsible. I could never count on him to pick up the kids from school and if he did they would probably be flying through the air in their little mini Mark II’s that most certainly do not have a five point harness or head restraints…so, I crossed him of the potential list of super heroes I would marry. Way too much work!

At the risk of sleeping on the couch, I pressed on. So, dear husband, if it isn’t Iron Man then who? Without looking in my direction or offering an explanation he said, “Captain America.” Sure the guy is super patriotic. He is loyal. He used to be a dork (girls like that whole “Can’t Buy Me Love” coming of age bit). He’s strong. He’s a leader. He doesn’t back down. He’s a guy’s guy for sure. But when push comes to shove he pretty much loves America more than anything else. Nothing wrong there, but I can’t have him rustling through the storage bins looking for his shield every Fourth of July and upstaging my American flag berry tart. So, Captain America – I don’t.

We didn’t discuss Hulk, because who is going to marry a Hulk, really. One time I wore this green sweatshirt without washing it first and my skin was stained green for two days. I don’t think I could look at that on my husband on a regular basis and the kids would never, ever, ever let him drop them off at school or coach their soccer teams. Besides, I think it’s hard cleaning up after my kids now? Imagine cleaning up after a Hulk! Bull in a china shop is probably a gross understatement. I’m sorry Hulk, it’s you not me.

Hawkeye and Black Widow out of the running and that left Thor. Powerful. Arrogant. He’s a Royal (from another planet, does that count?). Okay, fine, he’s also ripped. But he’s also compassionate. Turns out what every other Avenger lacked in the eyes of this full-time Mommy was compassion for humankind. He wasn’t just interested in beating the bad guys, he wanted to save the human race. And of course, beat the bad guys.

So there you have it. I, stay at home mom, take thee, Thor, to be my lawfully wedded pretend make-believe super hero husband for about two seconds because for reals I already married a super hero. One that changes diapers, carries our babies, gives piggy back and shoulder rides to his kids, teaches our son about the “courtesy flush”, can stomach more that an hour of “Max and Ruby,” plays playdoh , believes in hard work and Jesus and lets me slack off on chores and get some rest this past weekend when I had a head cold. Even though he had one too! I’m pretty sure that is some heavy stuff even Thor might not be able to handle.

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Categories: All The Rest

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