Saturday morning workout funnies!
Here’s the disclaimer: Yes, I do CrossFit and I love CrossFit, but from time to time I find myself grasping to find just the right term for my CrossFit workout experiences. These are not official terms. I made them up. I do not have an attorney (although I know a few at the gym), so did I say that I made these up?
You may also want to know that I made these up. Enjoy! Happy lifting.
Wall Buzz – The sensation of reorienting to the where, who, what and why you are where you are after having a wall ball land on your face during a workout.
Wuzz Ball – The particle of stray matter that ejects itself from the wall ball during a set and lands somewhere on your face. If you are mouth breathing like me, it ends up in your mouth.
PTHHWAH, PTHHHWLAH, PTHHHWAH – The thing you do directly after a wuzz ball lands in your mouth. To correct this mid-WOD, just close your mouth and breathe through your nose.
10 and 2 – hand positioning on the wall ball. Once you hit about fifteen reps hand positioning is subject to change.
Turbo – any expulsion of gas during any particular move during a workout. I have overheard them during broad jumps, ab mat situps, rope climbs, split jerks, etc…note: they do not seem to make the person any faster, so the name turbo can be deceiving.
Filtering – filtering out a workout photo to make yourself look more muscular or fit than you might actually be for purposes of posting to social media. When Chris Spealler, does this, it is a legitimate representation of actual muscles. When I do this it is filtered to the extent that I look like I have at least one muscle group. (This process may take anywhere from one to ten minutes to achieve proper filtering – see example below).
Burpee Black – the little black circles and bits of black mat that appear on your knees and surrounding areas after burpees.
Wearing Burpee – Not wiping down your burpee black and resuming regular activity outside the gym. Examples of places where I have worn burpee: coffee shop, Target, school drop off. Expect strange looks and whispering from bystanders.
Rest Day Eve – the night before Rest Day when all bad health decisions are made. This may or may not involve binge watching “The Walking Dead” way past 10:00 p.m., eating copious amounts of cheese and crackers or perhaps a pint of ice cream with crushed peppermints and chocolate chips, for example.
Rubble – bits of black mat that find their way onto you body during and after a workout. Sweat will increase the likelihood of rubble.
Brubble – rubble on your back. Likely due to hollow positions on the floor or scorpion stretch.
Spider Snatch – catching a snatch to low and ending in a very wide squat. (I did not make this one up, but someone did use it to explain what I was NOT to be doing).
Sciatica – Current condition of yours truly, probably from performing a spider snatch.
So now you have some new gym words. I don’t think the serious athletes come up with these while they are working out, but if they did I would love to know what they are. I think laughing is active recovery, don’t you?
Categories: All The Rest