There. I said it. Shocker.
I’m not insecure about the usual suspects. Like, I don’t worry about how dirty my house is (it is), or if my kids are put together (they aren’t) or even if I haven’t had a chance to shower this morning (I haven’t).
I know I’m not the strongest or fastest person at the gym. I don’t even try to compete with PTA caliber moms (I know my place) and I don’t have a Pinterest account (the horror). I am awkward (so what). I babble and talk about myself when I speak to people I admire (so, so charming).
But the biggest area of insecurity and where I feel like I’m just not up to snuff is my spirituality.
Listen. I know I am saved. I know I am a Christian. I know where I am going when I die, but for some reason, I feel insecure that I am not somehow the female version of Joel Osteen.
I am confident that God has a plan for me. I am confident in my salvation and believe me there is no shortage of pride in many other areas of my life, but when it comes to being enough as a Christian, I feel like I should just leave the heavy lifting to the professionals.
To the nice people. To the people without sarcasm. To the people who don’t wear Lululemon speed shorts to bible study. To the people who memorize scripture and keep their bibles in their cars. To the people who don’t know all the words to “Paul Revere,” (God bless the Beastie Boys) but all the words to every worship song. To the people I admire and babble around.
I feel like I should leave the heavy lifting to them, but I know that I am called to do my own kind of heavy lifting. After all, my insecurity does not come from anything they are doing or not doing, it comes right from me. It’s between me and…me.
But insecurity is the opposite of faith. Insecurity doesn’t get anything done for the kingdom of God or for anyone else and so therefore, despite being insecure, I am going to keep on doing what I do.
We all have something to lift.