These are not the posts I like to write, but these are the posts y’all love. So, because I think up these kind of posts too, I’ll share some things I’ve learned, coached and seen along the way.
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” Carl Jung
I’m not big on disclaimers, but please understand this is a list of guidelines – not hard and fast rules. I have seen a lot of great things over the years of my coaching, parenting and playing. So instead of tilting this post “The Do’s and Don’ts About Parenting Your Athlete,” I’ll title it something like: “Some general guidelines I’ve seen over the years that you do or do not have to take to heart nor do you need to follow to a tee or anything like that.”
Enjoy!
Some guidelines to consider (otherwise known as Do’s):
⭐️ WATCH: Do watch their games, matches, events, competitions, meets.
⭐️ GEAR: Do get your kid what they need to perform well. It doesn’t have to be top of the line, but get what you can afford to get. It’s part of belonging and helping them feel like they can do their best. That feeling as a kid when you think your shoes make you run faster is for real!
⭐️ LOVE: Do be a parent. Love your kid. Support your kid. Cry with your kid (but not so much that they have to console you), tell them you are proud of them, tell them they are capable. Your kids are trying to make you proud. They often feel like if they play poorly or their team loses that they will disappoint someone. That’s okay for them to experience those big emotions, but let it be you they can come talk to about it.
⭐️ MENTAL HEALTH: Do help them find resources for their mental health. If you don’t know were to start, ask your coach, club director, athletic trainer or a friend. In high school, collegiate or professional programs it’s usually an athletic trainer who is the direct line of referral. Club programs are getting better at this too.
⭐️ VALUES: Do find a program that works for your kid AND your family. They exist. Understanding what you are trying to get out of a program and knowing your values will help guide this decision. The better the decision, the more confident your athlete will be playing their sport.
Some things you may want to consider thinking twice about (or, perhaps Don’ts)
👎🏽 BE SPARSE AT TIMES: It’s not necessary to attend every single game (unless they are very little, they need an adult in charge). The players I’ve coached who had parents at every single match were the most stressed and had the most performance anxiety. These are also the ones who come back after one year of collegiate sports or hit up that transfer portal every other season. Let them do their thing without you there every once in a while. Let them spit seeds in the dugout and talk about farts without you. Let them record and dance to tiktoks without you recording them recording and dancing to tiktoks.
👎🏽 SAVE YOUR DOUGH: You don’t have to buy kid merch or “__(insert sport/club here)__ mom/dad” merch or anything that resembles their jersey/number unless they ask you to, or if it’s a fundraiser or unless they’re in pros … or unless you’re Mama Kelce. You have more than the “sports parent” identity. Your kid needs to know you have a life outside of their sporting career. Over-identified parents have a hard time knowing where their life ends and their kids begin. While you may think it helps your kids, it’s actually confusing for them to have to decide which one of you is the kid and which one is the adult.
👎🏽 PRIME EFFECT: don’t be their coach. Not once have I ever heard from an athlete “I wish my parent coached me more.” The more common thing is they want you to back off. They don’t need pointers or coaching – unless you are Deion Sanders and your son is the QB of your team and you not only played in the NFL, you were the NFL, and, even then you know how to separate the Dad walk with the Coach walk.
👎🏽 YOUR WELLNESS MATTERS: don’t ignore your own mental health. When you ignore your own mental or physical health, you are not in a position to notice when your kid is struggling. I see so many unhealthy adults (parents and parents who coach) who push young kids, not from a place of health, but from a place of unprocessed pain or hurt. Don’t let that be you.
👎🏽 HYPE DOESN’T LAST LONG: don’t stay somewhere that’s bad for your kids mental health. It’s okay to find a better fit – to find your best fit, ask questions, know your values and don’t buy hype or promises. Look for great coaches who challenge your kid without breaking them down mentally or use shame, arbitrary punishment or manipulation to coach.
What I’m mostly trying to say is how you show up and care for your child is important. Be aware of what that looks and sounds like and enjoy the moment.
This post isn’t for everyone. If there’s something here you like, please pass it along, otherwise, it’s cool to keep on moving. Happy coaching, happy training!
Coach Tallman has been involved in high performance sports all her life. As an athlete, Priscilla played at the University of Georgia and earned 1st team All-Conference for all four years, including SEC Freshman of the Year and SEC Player of the Year. She also earned 1st Team All-America honors her junior and senior years at UGA. She went on to play on the USA National team, USA World University Games and professionally in Europe. In 2006, she was inducted into the prestigious Georgia Athletics Circle of Honor for excellence in representing her sport and the University.
Coach Tallman has also coached at the high school, club and collegiate levels as a coach and has worked with every level of sport, including professional volleyball athletes as a mindset and mental performance coach.
She combines her knowledge of Sport Psychology principals and her education in Clinical Psychology to bring increased performance as well as education and resources for mental wellness in student-athlete populations.
She has an undergraduate degree in Psychology from The University of Georgia and a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Vanguard University. Her “30 Day Champions” Journal was studied and researched by graduate students from The College of Health Solutions at Arizona State University in Spring, 2022 and has been used by over 1,000 athletes, coaches and parents.
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