So, my husband and I are going through a bit of a “transition.” I use this term loosely because “transition” translates to “not only has the poo hit the fan, it’s been oscillating there for about eight months.”
And despite said oscillating fecal matter (alright, I’m done with the poo references), we have had some really fantastic conversations about what is important to us and what we view as a priority. I am sure many families are contemplating much of the same since the economy took a dip in the crapper (oh, right no more poo). Anyway, we have both really stepped outside our proverbial boxes and have been stretched in so many ways that we are starting to get spiritual and emotional stretchmarks! So tonight, while enjoying some gooey chocolate chip cookies with our son at his toddler table, my husband asked me what I thought of our current “situation.” (I hate quotation marks, they seem trite. But since we aren’t having coffee you’re gonna have to bear with me.)
Husband often asks me things of this nature, because I have a wacky sense of perception about situations and people (not like ESP, but pretty close…just kidding. Not really.). We spoke for a bit and I said that I thought he was afraid of something. Failure? Success? Not really sure, but I challenged him to think on that for a bit. After a moment or so, he said that as he looked back on his life that the times when he was most successful* (reeeaaalllly loose definition of this word) were the times that he was also the most selfish…and, alas, he was afraid of being selfish.
Being a faithful servant and child prodigy of “selfish” I knew very well what he meant, but thought I’d push him further. “So does that mean you aren’t supposed to be successful? What if the times you were successful* you were actual a change agent of good for other people. What if the things you accomplished weren’t only for you? And now that you are aware of your selfishness, what if you were able to channel that energy into a new and different direction?”
Our toddler began to bore of our conversation, which quickly turned into a conversation about frontloaders and jets, so we ended ubruptly and wiped the chocolate from our faces and hands.
But really, what if God does allow us to be successful*, wealthy, popular, stubborn, opinionated, loud, talented, etc. for a reason (as I am certain He does)? What if, husband of mine, you used your selfishness to do something amazing? Something that changes the world? Something that isn’t selfish at all? I personally believe you can be selfish and selfless at the same time. It’s the same principal that follows the “you can love something and hate something at the same time” line. It is entirely possible. Now think on that!
*SUCCESS – it’s what you make it.